Posts Tagged ‘Procrastination’

When I first started investigating phone fear I assumed most of the focus would be around fear of “cold calling.” To my surprise I came to discover how wide spread the fear of the phone really is. So many people admit to having trouble with ordering a pizza, or calling an auto dealership, or school or anything innocent enough to seem easy.

Fear of being rejected seems to be a huge reason we hate picking up the phone. Rejection comes in all sizes and configurations.

Fear of rejection is normally subtle. It’s one of those fears that will linger in the back of your mind quietly limiting your activities, who you talk to and even what you will plan for your life. Even with a positive mental attitude all of your hopes for the future can hit a wall if your fears about meeting people and expressing your opinions stop you from speaking up. And that´s why rejection anxiety can be subtle. Instead of admitting it you can rationalize away perfectly good plans with excuses that stop you from moving ahead.
Where does that leave you? It leaves you with one foot nailed to the floor and the phone nailed to the desk. There’s no hope of taking charge of that phone until you admit that fear of rejection and figure out a plan to kick the fear.

Do you think your phone fear is about rejection? How do you overcome your fear of rejection?

When it’s time to pick up the phone and go to cold calling, or checking in on the doctor, or to make that attempt at reconciling a relationship and we can’t seem to pick up the phone, for some reason, we might say I’m stuck. Or we might say I’m stopped.

Being stopped or stuck is more than merely an interpretation. When we’re stuck, and can’t pick up the phone, we have a larger problem. However, when we’re “stopped” from picking up the phone it’s not so big an issue because it’s likely temporary. Until we make the distinction between stuck and stopped we might have problems with progress in overcoming fear of the phone. Here’s the thought process.

Stuck is having nowhere to go, being a victim of inequity, no more fuel in the tank, dead in the water. Being stuck means crashed and burning. It means the phone and all it’s minions of demons and fiends have won over us, prevented us from reaching out to achieve our goals. We might rationalize it’s our life situation, or some bad luck, or something bequeathed upon us that we have no control over.

“Stopped” on the other hand, means just that – progress interrupted. A temporary stumble, a halt, a hitch in our path.

Stuck – requires fundamental self-examination of why we have trouble moving on. A solution somewhere hidden in realizing that there are 2 voices within us. One a deep voice opposing the benefits of moving forward on anything, not just phone fear. The other voice is our conscious us, wanting to move forward. The conflict is like being squeezed between a rock and a hard place. The solution might just be realizing that it just seems that way. When we bring your conscious awareness into the conflict situation, when we become aware of your our opposing sides, we lead ourselves to opening up to a solution.

Stopped – can be likened to procrastination, putting off or delaying or deferring an action to a later time. Yes procrastination is caused by fear, but perhaps a lower grade fear than that of being stuck. But procrastination also has verifiable ways to overcome the stall. More than likely a solution might be found in the known procrastination solutions.

Once we realize the difference between the two terms, we can begin to put some sensibility into how to proceed.

Comments?

“It takes courage to be the author of your life.”

I wish I could take credit for that quote. It’s the opening line under a short heading “Courage” in the chapter “Living A Life You Love,” from the book – “Pathfinder” by Nicholas Lore. “Pathfinder” is a wonderful read focused on finding a successful career. The passage continues:

“When you are struggling through one of the difficult parts of turning your dreams into reality, you may wonder why you always get stuck with having to put up with so much fear and uncertainty. Why, you wonder, couldn’t I feel more courageous, like those other people do.

You don’t feel courageous because courage is not an emotion. There is no such thing as feeling “courageous.” It is an imaginary emotion.

Courage consists of doing what you said you would do even when you don’t want to.

In the face of danger you have a choice to be the delegate of either your commitments or your feelings. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.”

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

-Ambrose Red Moon

This short concept rests on page 61 of “Pathfinder,” by Nicholas Lore. Just 1 page, 1 out of 374 pages, pretty much embodies the spirit of so many people who have overcome the stumbling blocks of phone fear, and found their stride in effectively achieving worthwhile goals.

Simple procrastination… simple failure to achieve our dreams might have been best said by Ben Franklin: You may delay, but time will not.

The term, procrastination, that insidious, caustic term reminds us of our weak kneed fear of something, our inability to do something we desperately need to do. It etches, in our minds, those errands we haven’t done, the bills we haven’t paid, the diet still waiting to get off the ground or the phone calls we need to make. Ah… those lingering phone calls we know how to make, those phone calls we told our boss we would make, the calls we told ourselves we would make to get our business rolling. We glance at the phone. It sits there, cold and unwilling to help out, to somehow jump off the hook and scream out at us, “pick me up and call those numbers.” Flash…….it ain’t gonna! You gotta find a way to do it yourself. Responsibility is ours.
Reasons for phone fear fall into the same categories as those for procrastination:

1. Unclear objective and goals -
What are you trying to accomplish? Sometimes we get so caught up in the detail we forget where we’re going. We make a gentle pass as “wanting to do something” but don’t have a clear plan. Haven’t thought it out. The clearer the objective, goals and plans, the easier the confluence between procrastination and success, with success eventually winning out.
2. The task is too big – break it down.
The task is not to produce income for the year. (This will come with accomplishing the task) This is just too large a task, too much pressure. A very large goal is called a Meta-Goal. Meta, meaning large. Large goals are broken down into tasks. So, the task is to make the calls. Everyday, make the first call and the 2nd, 3rd and so-on. Accomplish enough tasks and the goals will be realized.
3. Fear of success -
We’ve all heard about this. Sometimes we’re afraid we’ll fail; sometimes we’re afraid we’ll succeed. It’s the same really- fear of what will happen when we’re done scares us so much we can’t move on. Failure or success can move us out of our comfort zone. It’s cold and lonely when are in the middle of changing. So, ironically success can be just as scary as failure.
4. The task just isn’t fun -
The heck with fun, just do it, some say. Focus on the bigger picture. What are the rewards for making the calls. Bigger fun. More funner. The outcome of success dwarfs rationalization that the task just isn’t any fun. So, here’s what I say to “it’s not any fun.” Pshaw! Go for the real fun. The one at the end of the successful line.
5. Indecision – Afraid to make a mistake?
You can’t get there without making a mistake! It’s just that simple and that difficult. Mistakes are part of any emerging system. Hell, even life. The biggest mistake made is NOT doing anything. It’s said, the only real way to fail is to quit!
6. Lack of confidence -
Confidence grows with activity. Polish comes with persistence. Perfection is unobtainable. Getting better at making the first call comes with making lots of “first” calls.
7. Time, short of time, “can’t possibly get anywhere with this short bit of time.”
Don’t procrastinate waiting for a long stretch of time. It’s so easy. Just set aside 5 or 10 minutes for 1 to 5 calls. Pick calls you can make mistakes with. Refer to them as throwaway calls. Calls that won’t cause any harm if you blow up and melt into a puddle of piss. But you won’t.. Step forward. Pick up the cold phone, dial, hear your voice, listen to the reply. You might even engage into a call. Hang up. Breath. See…. no pain. All body parts still working. Do that for 1 or 2 or 5 or 10 minutes and then quit. See there, you did it.
8. Distractions -
Of course overcoming procrastination is about self-discipline. But notice this one particular point about distractions. Be honest with yourself. Set aside other things that can get in the way of making the calls. Might you be unconsciously inviting distractions so that you have a ‘good’ reason not to get something done? Humm. Easy to fix if you’re aware of it.

There are more reasons for procrastination, too many to scribe here. But the most important thing that must be said about procrastination is that it can go either way. Either uou’ll get tired of putting it off and get down to overcoming the pain and become successful. Or on the other hand, if you don’t get-over procrastination, those chores, tasks, calls can turn on a dime into getting “stuck.” Stuck, means done. No hope. And you decide to change your plans based on irrational anxiety.

What a shame to lose all that possibility, those dreams, hope, and the life you really want just because you let procrastination become the beast that ate your rainbow.

Take control.