This was an admission from a job-search client I recently worked with. I had suggested to her that to separate from the pack (of job searchers) she should consider foregoing the usual trolling on job posting boards and to engage in a call-in campaign to targeted companies.

“I can’t,” she whispered with a slight tremble.  “It’s easy for me to open the conversation.  It’s easy for me to sound intelligent and relevant as long as the call is going well.  But if I get a sudden no, or a why?, or some other kind of remark I’m not prepared for, I go blank.  My mind turns off.  I can’t access my brains database for the inventory of comebacks, responses, or objection-overcoming thoughts.” She was staring at me with that blank “no-one’s home-look” like she must have had when she found herself stuck on a call.

I bring this up to describe a bigger point.  It’s not the issue of going blank, everyone can experience it. But the issue of the fear of going blank is the bigger issue. This client was so fearful of blanking out and feeling the embarrassment, she really had a problem in starting the calling process. And with this looming fear, she made very few calls.  Not a good solution to finding a job.

You see, designing a plan for getting past the “going blank” is really pretty easy. It’s the fear that’s the bigger problem.

I helped her create a defense against freezing. Create a safety valve or a go-to emergency comeback strategy consisting of  “restart questions.” It’s important to have a quiver of  restart arrows to fire back with.  Enough arrows to have a relative reply and redirect the conversation, but NOT more than just a few. These two were the ones I suggest for her and I suggest you think about these for you:

• Introduce an element of compassion. Ask for help from the person who just “stuck” you.  You reply: “I understand your position.  But this is very important to me.” …pause….  ”What would you recommend I do to pursue this further?” or  Try this: “I understand.”…pause…  ”I need your help. How would you suggest I proceed?” or   “I understand.  I need you help.  What you suggest I need to do to improve my case?”

• Ask for a reload. Say: “I understand and then ask if you can try again later. Or, ask if you can try someone else. Or simply ask why your case isn’t getting where it needs to be?”

Notice that in each case I suggest beginning with, “I understand.” Its a way to introduce reconciliation or rapprochement (the reestablishing of cordial relations) before laying yourself at their feet and asking for help. It takes a hard heart not to give in to this type of request.

These type of questions create a couple of 2^nd chances for you:

• You get a chance to catch your breath and hence a few moments for you to open your warehouse of ideas while they are responding.
• You put the ball into their court. It gives you an opportunity to listen for something to grab onto to further the conversation. I has a way of bringing them down from their defensive tower.

Again, this isn’t about the going blank. It’s about what you can do to thaw that freeze-up before the call is ended in embarrassment. Your reason to make a difficult call is yours. You’ve thought about it and your reasons are sound and good and justifiable.  Your message should be pretty easy to develop. But when you get a reply you get stuck on, you need to think about a quick strategy angle.  That’s when you unload your “safety valve question,” or any other comeback you think will reset the table.

Back to my client. She called me recently and enthusiastically boasted about getting stuck on a call. She had gone blank, but quickly turned to a “help me” strategy question. It worked. She was beaming that the results led her to being passed along to a national director, well past her expectation.

This just supports the belief that being prepared is one of  the underlying cures for getting past phone fear and making the call.

Chet Baker

The Denver Resume Builder

Look for the upcoming book – “Overcoming Phone Fear.”

http://nophonefear.wordpress.com/

Job posting boards are discussed, we develop the list of targeted companies to pursue. We work on interview prep and on-line submissions.  And somewhere in there I point out the merits of separating from the pack. In other words, what to do that most of the other competing candidates aren’t willing to do. Like picking up the phone and making a call into HR, or staffing, or a company department or directly into the boss to either follow up on an online application, or present themselves.

Everything  we’ve done, up to this point, was pretty straightforward. Computer research, developing the resume message, building the targets.  But when we get to the point where we prepare to call into the company from our targeted list, that’s where irrational behavior interrupts the progress. It’s fear, plain and simple, deer in the headlights fear. They can’t pick up the phone and call.

What’s the big deal?  It’s just a call, right? Yes and No.

YES, it’s just a call. But it’s a call that’s critical. It’s a chance to talk to your prospective new boss and not just rely on the résumé to do your work for you. It’s your face-to-face introduction, your chance to take a step forward, put your hand out and say – “look at me.” This is your chance to get a foot in the door.

NO, it’s not just a call. The call is the most insignificant part of the equation. By calling, you’re presenting a picture of someone who’s different.  You’re projecting a profile of a person with strength, with courage, with a determination that most don’t have, the courage to look fear in the face and stand tall and firm against the looming rejection.

I had a conversation with a well-qualified person on a job search recently who admitted to how fear stopped her in her tracks during her calls. The problem with Casey was one of not knowing what to say when she was posed with a seemingly irreversable objection.  For instance, during a call into a company, Casey had made the HR admin told her, “we aren’t hiring,” Casey froze and had nothing else to say. This was not an isolated incident with Casey. And a matter of fact many face this issue.  It was what Casey feared most. Freezing up.

Now let me say, Casey ALWAYS has something to say. Her warehouse of good ideas, frank opinions, and sage advice went dark and the doors closed on her. She went empty, out of something to say except to whisper,  “Thanks,” and “Good bye,” and the call was over.

My advice:

Establish touch point questions, devices, if you will, that will allow the ice in the throat to melt and give time for the doors to your “Ideas Warehouse” to open again.  Once you’ve heard a conversation-busting NO, it’s not the time to continue selling.  Because they’ve  heard enough of your statement or presentation to give you an answer and the answer is something like NO. So, DO NOT continue selling.  It’s time to turn the tables. Pass the monkey on to them.  For instance.

When faced with HR Maggie saying, “We aren’t hiring,” consider moving onto another track.  Ask for her help.

Reply with, “I understand.” Then ask her: “Maggie, I’m stuck. I could really use your help. If it were you, how would go about getting a job with your company. I mean, what advice could you give me?” This is very effective , because it let’s you breath,  listen and will allow you to unfreeze the warehouse of ideas while they’re talking. And unless it’s a heartless person on the other end of the line, most people, when asked for help, usually will try to help. It’s true.

Now I can’t guarantee this method will always work, but it’s worth a try.  You have nothing to lose what-so-ever. My guess is you’ll be surprised.

Another touch point – Change the subject. Again use the sympathetic questioning method after she’s give you the NO and after the compulsory pause.  “Maggie,” you say in earnest,  “It sounds like you really like it there.  How long have you been there?” This just might bring Maggie out of her defensive posture.  Because people like to talk about themselves, more than anything. The questions you can ask Maggie are endless and are only hampered by her time.  Above all, be respectful of her time.

Another touch point – Ask for their honest opinion.  Ever heard the saying, opinions are like bird droppings, they’re everywhere? Yes, everyone has them.  So, in the case of Maggie saying “NO.” Again respond with, “I understand,” followed by the obligatory pause and, “Maggie, you’ve heard me. You’ve seen my résumé (that’s if she has seen the résumé), level with me.  Am I the type of person who will fit in with your company?” Unless it’s Nurse Cratchit, you’ll get some kind of reply, and enough time to open your warehouse of ideas and thaw out the throat and use your wits about you. Again the number of opinions to ask can be numerous: How do you like it there? Is the company as good as everyone says it is? When’s a good time to check back? Do think I have a chance?

Summary:  If you want to be a stand-out candidate for a job with one of your target companies, consider very seriously calling into the company.  Don’t stop with one secretary, HR, or manager, or VP. Call as many as you can find. Spread your name around. Don’t be afraid.  It’s worth it.

For more information on phone fear: http://nophonefear.wordpress
Or fear of rejection from difficult people: http://nophonefear.wordpress.com/2009/08/27/phone-fear-is-fear-of-rejection-from-difficult-people/

Fear is a constant companion to everyone. No one gets out of this life without dealing with dread, anxiety, short bouts of worry and the occasional rush of raw terror.

In context of the job search, fear is always hiding in the wings, ruffling the curtains, letting it’s presence be known to the job hunter as s/he plods along slogging through the process with either whimsical enthusiasm or a painfully organized plod. It’s either bold and brash, making life difficult or it’s mild, like a wart on the elbow.

Only 2 things really separate the bum on the bowery and the wonderfully successful renaissance type. How they use their God given 24 hours and how they deal with fear. Both are never more evident than in the job search in these difficult economic times with the unemployment rate hovering at 10%.

Fear in the job search spreads over a landscape of topics: fear of success, fear of failure, fear of being perceived as stupid, fear of a new environment, fear of being subjected to new faces and judgments, fear of whispers, fear of ridicule, and even fear of using the phone to inquire about a job. Fear or anxiety can keep us from moving ahead with our lives. Most fear is irrational if there isn’t a clear and present physical danger. Fear is an emotion that first materialized about 5 Million years ago. Centered at the base of the brain (the limbus system) is where fear and anxiety come from, still.

Fear, that prehistoric emotion was a mechanism to defend against the prehistoric creatures who wanted to have us for dinner. (The Friend or Foe Emotion) Fear changed mankind dramaticaly. And along with fear came other emotions and feelings: desire, caring, glee and so forth.

While the brain’s sectors have steadily grown in size since the last 5 million years, the limbus system has barely cracked the 3% growth mark during the same time. Some scientist think it’s because the need to process the expansion of increased feelings and emotions and life in genereal has pushed the brain’s growth to over 5%. In other words, the brain is struggling to advance with society. Whereas the small collection of masses (limbus system) is still sending ‘fear’ signals (emotions) up to a data processing center located at the front of the forehead called the prefrontal Cortex PFC. The PFC is the central processing system that’s connected to virtually every other section of the brain.

Whenever the Limbus System sends up a perception of danger to the PFC, it’s the PFC’s duty to decide if it’s friend or foe and accordingly give directions on how to handle the emotion. It decides to stuff the fear or catch fire and get the hell out of Dodge. The Limbus system has conjured up quite a few new dangers since the big lizards back in it’s heyday.

That’s probably more than you ever wanted to know about the brain and why you fear innocent little things like… I’m afraid to pick up the phone and call into a company and ask for a job because I just know they’ll say no.  ‘Rejection, Rejection, Rejection flashing neon red!  It’s a throwback to when you were standing in a cave 5 million years ago and your limbus system flashing danger emotions, because it’s aware of a T-Rex waiting outside to eat you. Yes a prehistoric emotion from a somewhat outdated system thats keeping you from experiencing a 21^st success.  Kinda stupid isn’t it? I’ve over simplified this by about a thousand percent, but it’s basically the way it is.

Fear is fear and it touches us all.  For some it’s just a matter of feeling the fear and moving past it easily. Others aren’t so lucky.  They have to conjure up courage, establish determination, face it head on and find a way to move on.

In this blog I’m going to offer a series of posts with suggestions on overcoming job-search fear.

Here’s the first suggestion: Fear Of Rejection

Don’t fear rejection so much that you can’t pick up the phone and make an appointment or ask for an interview. Never take rejection personally. Fear of rejection is irrational. Rejection cannot permanently hurt you. It’s just that limbus system banging away at the PFC, drilling the emotion of fear, fear, fear.  With no reason other than that.

Let’s look at overecoming fear of rejection as a sales job.

A job search is an act of selling. You sell yourself to people, who you probably don’t know. People accept you or they reject you. Rejection is a fact of life in the sales world.  The people who you will be calling or meeting with are certainly not to be revered. They are no better than you. Don’t make any assumptions about who they are and how they will react to your call. Don’t make their decision for them.  Let them decide what to say. It may surprise you.

But if you do get a NO from the other end of the line, learn to accept it and NOT take it personally. Just move on.

So if fear of rejection is preventing you from making calls into HR, or bosses, friends or even just networking, know that you’re getting a prehistoric fear emotion from an almond size mass of goo, telling you not to venture out of the cave for fear of being rejected.

Flash, there are no big lizards our there anymore. You will not be eaten by calling into HR. It’s irrational to think like that.

Fear of being rejected seems to be a huge reason we hate picking up the phone. Rejection comes in all sizes and configurations.

Fear of rejection is normally subtle. It’s one of those fears that will linger in the back of your mind quietly limiting your activities, who you talk to and even what you will plan for your life. Even with a positive mental attitude all of your hopes for the future can hit a wall if your fears about meeting people and expressing your opinions stop you from speaking up. And that´s why rejection anxiety can be subtle. Instead of admitting it you can rationalize away perfectly good plans with excuses that stop you from moving ahead.
Where does that leave you? It leaves you with one foot nailed to the floor and the phone nailed to the desk. There’s no hope of taking charge of that phone until you admit that fear of rejection and figure out a plan to kick the fear.

Do you think your phone fear is about rejection? How do you overcome your fear of rejection?

Being stopped or stuck is more than merely an interpretation. When we’re stuck, and can’t pick up the phone, we have a larger problem. However, when we’re “stopped” from picking up the phone it’s not so big an issue because it’s likely temporary. Until we make the distinction between stuck and stopped we might have problems with progress in overcoming fear of the phone. Here’s the thought process.

Stuck is having nowhere to go, being a victim of inequity, no more fuel in the tank, dead in the water. Being stuck means crashed and burning. It means the phone and all it’s minions of demons and fiends have won over us, prevented us from reaching out to achieve our goals. We might rationalize it’s our life situation, or some bad luck, or something bequeathed upon us that we have no control over.

“Stopped” on the other hand, means just that – progress interrupted. A temporary stumble, a halt, a hitch in our path.

Stuck – requires fundamental self-examination of why we have trouble moving on. A solution somewhere hidden in realizing that there are 2 voices within us. One a deep voice opposing the benefits of moving forward on anything, not just phone fear. The other voice is our conscious us, wanting to move forward. The conflict is like being squeezed between a rock and a hard place. The solution might just be realizing that it just seems that way. When we bring your conscious awareness into the conflict situation, when we become aware of your our opposing sides, we lead ourselves to opening up to a solution.

Stopped – can be likened to procrastination, putting off or delaying or deferring an action to a later time. Yes procrastination is caused by fear, but perhaps a lower grade fear than that of being stuck. But procrastination also has verifiable ways to overcome the stall. More than likely a solution might be found in the known procrastination solutions.

Once we realize the difference between the two terms, we can begin to put some sensibility into how to proceed.

Comments?

I wish I could take credit for that quote. It’s the opening line under a short heading “Courage” in the chapter “Living A Life You Love,” from the book – “Pathfinder” by Nicholas Lore. “Pathfinder” is a wonderful read focused on finding a successful career. The passage continues:

“When you are struggling through one of the difficult parts of turning your dreams into reality, you may wonder why you always get stuck with having to put up with so much fear and uncertainty. Why, you wonder, couldn’t I feel more courageous, like those other people do.

You don’t feel courageous because courage is not an emotion. There is no such thing as feeling “courageous.” It is an imaginary emotion.

Courage consists of doing what you said you would do even when you don’t want to.

In the face of danger you have a choice to be the delegate of either your commitments or your feelings. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.”

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

-Ambrose Red Moon

This short concept rests on page 61 of “Pathfinder,” by Nicholas Lore. Just 1 page, 1 out of 374 pages, pretty much embodies the spirit of so many people who have overcome the stumbling blocks of phone fear, and found their stride in effectively achieving worthwhile goals.

The term, procrastination, that insidious, caustic term reminds us of our weak kneed fear of something, our inability to do something we desperately need to do. It etches, in our minds, those errands we haven’t done, the bills we haven’t paid, the diet still waiting to get off the ground or the phone calls we need to make. Ah… those lingering phone calls we know how to make, those phone calls we told our boss we would make, the calls we told ourselves we would make to get our business rolling. We glance at the phone. It sits there, cold and unwilling to help out, to somehow jump off the hook and scream out at us, “pick me up and call those numbers.” Flash…….it ain’t gonna! You gotta find a way to do it yourself. Responsibility is ours.
Reasons for phone fear fall into the same categories as those for procrastination:

1. Unclear objective and goals -
What are you trying to accomplish? Sometimes we get so caught up in the detail we forget where we’re going. We make a gentle pass as “wanting to do something” but don’t have a clear plan. Haven’t thought it out. The clearer the objective, goals and plans, the easier the confluence between procrastination and success, with success eventually winning out.
2. The task is too big – break it down.
The task is not to produce income for the year. (This will come with accomplishing the task) This is just too large a task, too much pressure. A very large goal is called a Meta-Goal. Meta, meaning large. Large goals are broken down into tasks. So, the task is to make the calls. Everyday, make the first call and the 2nd, 3rd and so-on. Accomplish enough tasks and the goals will be realized.
3. Fear of success -
We’ve all heard about this. Sometimes we’re afraid we’ll fail; sometimes we’re afraid we’ll succeed. It’s the same really- fear of what will happen when we’re done scares us so much we can’t move on. Failure or success can move us out of our comfort zone. It’s cold and lonely when are in the middle of changing. So, ironically success can be just as scary as failure.
4. The task just isn’t fun -
The heck with fun, just do it, some say. Focus on the bigger picture. What are the rewards for making the calls. Bigger fun. More funner. The outcome of success dwarfs rationalization that the task just isn’t any fun. So, here’s what I say to “it’s not any fun.” Pshaw! Go for the real fun. The one at the end of the successful line.
5. Indecision – Afraid to make a mistake?
You can’t get there without making a mistake! It’s just that simple and that difficult. Mistakes are part of any emerging system. Hell, even life. The biggest mistake made is NOT doing anything. It’s said, the only real way to fail is to quit!
6. Lack of confidence -
Confidence grows with activity. Polish comes with persistence. Perfection is unobtainable. Getting better at making the first call comes with making lots of “first” calls.
7. Time, short of time, “can’t possibly get anywhere with this short bit of time.”
Don’t procrastinate waiting for a long stretch of time. It’s so easy. Just set aside 5 or 10 minutes for 1 to 5 calls. Pick calls you can make mistakes with. Refer to them as throwaway calls. Calls that won’t cause any harm if you blow up and melt into a puddle of piss. But you won’t.. Step forward. Pick up the cold phone, dial, hear your voice, listen to the reply. You might even engage into a call. Hang up. Breath. See…. no pain. All body parts still working. Do that for 1 or 2 or 5 or 10 minutes and then quit. See there, you did it.
8. Distractions -
Of course overcoming procrastination is about self-discipline. But notice this one particular point about distractions. Be honest with yourself. Set aside other things that can get in the way of making the calls. Might you be unconsciously inviting distractions so that you have a ‘good’ reason not to get something done? Humm. Easy to fix if you’re aware of it.

There are more reasons for procrastination, too many to scribe here. But the most important thing that must be said about procrastination is that it can go either way. Either uou’ll get tired of putting it off and get down to overcoming the pain and become successful. Or on the other hand, if you don’t get-over procrastination, those chores, tasks, calls can turn on a dime into getting “stuck.” Stuck, means done. No hope. And you decide to change your plans based on irrational anxiety.

What a shame to lose all that possibility, those dreams, hope, and the life you really want just because you let procrastination become the beast that ate your rainbow.

Take control.

You whisper to yourself, “They might ask me a question I won’t have an answer for.”

The more knowledge we’re armed with the more fear is diminished…….up to a point. Two things can happen that won’t help the situation, if we’re not careful.
1. We go overboard and use knowledge attainment as a reason to procrastinate. Some are familiar with a similar concept called Scope Creep.
2. The more we study and learn the more questions pop up. We gotta stop somewhere and plant a pole and get on with learning the very best way. Picking up the phone and calling and bracing for the unknown.
As we know, we probably learn more from our mistakes than we do from all our successes put together. It’s a hard thing, to learn from the screaming face of the enemy, but lessons learned in the heat of battle stick with us forever. Haven’t we heard, the best games to win are the most difficult ones. Golf is a perfect example!

So let’s ask ourselves, have we blown up the fear of the phone as something larger than it really is? Has your sales manager elevated phone fear into a Godzilla of prospecting? Step back and look at it carefully. Nine times out of ten, you will know more than the person you are calling. Remember, you are the expert. Just think about making yourself more of an expert by brushing on you knowledge.

Comments anyone? Got any other ideas? Thanks go out to Justin Flitter for the inspiration for this post.

Others out there with ideas on what the reasons are for phone fear? And if you’ve overcome it, how did you do it?

So, the monkey, in all of his infinite wisdom, sits there and frets between 2 banana trees. He’s a very smart monkey and he’s trying to figure out which tree is the best tree to pick the right bananas from. After all, he’s been taught all of life to the perils of making mistakes and he’s caught up in fear, can’t make up his mind as to which tree to eat from. So he sits there scratching his head, afraid of making a mistake. Ironically, by not choosing, he chooses to deprive himself of bananas from either tree and eventually starves.

Phone fear can be a lot like the starving monkey. You’re surrounded by opportunity, but instead of seeing the opportunities, you see the possibilities of mistakes. You live in fear of those mistakes you might make by exposing yourself to the complexities of a phone call.

For instance:
1. There’s the chance that your introduction might be wrong. After all, there are dozens of ways to introduce yourself. Aren’t there?
2. Do you open with a question or a statement? Whoa boy, think that one through carefully.
3. Is the script you’ve been working on for an entire day, saying exactly what you want it to?
4. What if you get a question you hadn’t anticipated? More study…?
5. And if you catch them at the wrong time, and they’re too busy? How will you handle that?
6. If the gatekeeper answers, how do you get past the bulldog?
7. What if your voice trembles? They’ll know you’re scared.
8. What if they just hang up? Geez.

These are all needless worries. The questions are valid, but that thinking is stinking. There’s nothing to worry about if you set up a different mentality. One where anything you say will be right.

How? you ask.

Here’s the thinking. It goes back to the best advice ever given in sales training. The best way to approach someone is to approach them. Notice it doesn’t mention anything about overcoming rejection, scripting, overcoming a trembling voice first, or having the right introduction. It simply advises you, when wishing to talk to someone who can write you a check, offer you a job, or publish your book, to simply pick up the phone and “approach them.” Period!

Another way to echo the same thing is with a legendary sports saying. “Half of winning is just showing up.”

Here’s the key. If you know that just picking up the phone will produce winning results in the long run, then any little slip-up you make is inconsequential. Because the fruits of “approaching them” is enormous. If they hang up on you, if they yell at you, if they laugh at you, if they just say no, it’s inconsequential because you’ll eventually find someone who will agree with you, and buy from you and offer you a job. And they won’t be nearly as critical as you are about all those petty worries.

I say that if you pose all 8 of those questions with 10 other successful friends, people in your line of work you’ll probably get 10 different answers. Meaning that any way you go with those 8 questions will be fine. Meaning, success with those 8 questions or the hundreds of other worries that you can think of just depends on who get’s your call. The the personality, the character on the other end of the line will warm to one way and be cool to another. And there’s no way you can plan on knowing the type of person who’ll be answering. So, whatever you say will be right. If it doesn’t go good, it’s just their fault. You can’t sell to them all. If anyone of them offers you a banana, take it! Don’t ask why?

Do you suffer from this dilemma?