Posts Tagged ‘Courage’

I was recently faced with a dilemma that had been nagging at me for months. How to confide in someone, something that was personal.

A woman who I shall refer to as Karry, had been attending a meeting that I had been facilitating for some time. The focus of the meeting was a forum for those in a job search.  Many had been out of work for for months and were carrying that deer-in-the-headlights look.  For some their resources were running out, mortgages were on the brink. Most had been working hard to somehow get an interview, and get hired or just get recognized with their resumes and applications. Let me say, the purpose of our meeting group was to ‘graduate’ from the group. Aka… get a job.

Karry was there at the first meeting, and throughout the six months or so, was a regular. The group conversations were always focused on some segment of the job search. Conversation was always lively, supportive and harvested great information for all to take home and use.

Well, members came and went as they joined and then graduated and left.  All but Karry. From the beginning it was clear there was an attitude that was not really, terribly bad, but carried an air of defeatism, a victim profile. She oozed of sarcasm when we discussed ways to approach companies. After all she had been at it for a long time with little success.

As the meetings came and went, and members took the suggestions, tips and advice with a dose of humility, they found jobs.  All but Karry.

I had run out of suggestions for her. It seemed that any advice that I or anyone else came up with was stunted with a reply dripping with sarcastic notion of something like – “I’ve tried that it hasn’t worked.”

I knew it was the attitude, the sarcasm and in an open forum I didn’t have the measure of how it would go over if I confronted Karry with the truth. Meeting after meeting I just let it go.  Until the last meeting.

We had a rather small group, very conducive to open candid dialogue.

We got around to Karry, and again she was lamenting that nothing worked as usual. As she was talking I could see the others were feeling her pain.  We all knew she was getting to the end of her rope. I could see that everyone in the group knew her problem – attitude.  They knew she was trying her hardest, but the attitude was a horrible smear on her persona. Just then, one of the other members looked at me, and as clearly and forthright as she could be, she asked: “Got any suggestions for Karry, Chet?”

This was it. I couldn’t pass any longer. Everyone was looking at me, the silence was deafening. Karry was looking at me, mouth slightly open, not a rustle of paper, only my heartbeat could I hear and feel.

I looked at Karry. And after giving it thought I went in the back door.  “Do you have a mentor?” I asked.

Again the silence was hollow and long. Karry looked at me, in total surprise, anguish. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t look away from my question. I felt her struggling for words.

“No,” she said as she looked at her pad in front of her and made a doodle. For the first time I knew Karry better. In that instant I felt for her like I had never felt for her before.  She knew her problem.  She knew she needed an attitude overhaul. She was a caring person, a capable employee, someone who would do a good job for a company. But her attitude wasn’t resonating past sour.

I asked again. “Do you have any friends?” The second I asked the question I knew it was unnecessary. She knew where I was headed and didn’t have an answer. I felt crushed.  The lady sitting next to Karry, who had asked me if I had any suggestion for Karry. Simply, pulled a card from her wallet and pushed it over to Karry.  “Call me,” she said. We were all saved in that conference room by that simple  little gesture by someone who had never met Karry until that night.

This is a lesson. A lesson for all of us. We can’t get out of this thing called life alone. The job search is a hard process; it eats away at our fiber. Having someone we can lean on, someone to  tell us we have “bad breath” is such a necessary resource.

If you’re going it alone, don’t.  Start looking for someone you can lean on and in turn someone you can support yourself.

And finally, if you even suspect that your attitude is half full and preventing you from reaching your full potential, challenge your friends, mentors, family or soon to be friend to look you in the eyes and level with you. And if you know them well, and you can see they are just being nice, just remind them that this is important to your well being and insist that they be truthful with you.

And Karry, put a smile on that face, straighten your back and I’m guessing your  persistence will pay off.

Good hunting and keep your chin up, everyone.

Chet

The art of interviewing is not an art. The art of interviewing is not theatre.

Interviewing is communication, pure and simple.  Good interviewers are those who come before the candidate as  themselves, determined to exchange meaningful ideas through questioning and answering.  The best candidates are those who simply come as themselves, armed with honesty and integrity. Anything less than straight-forward is Hollywood, TV, playtime. It’s a game that each side can play where one side will win and the other will lose. Unfortunately the one that wins under less than forthright communication will most likely lose in the long run. Here’s why.

Winning a job by lying, cheating, or pretending cannot last or be fruitful for very long. A slick candidate who becomes something s/he isn’t and uses contrived skills to land the job, will eventually be discovered and either be dismissed because of an inability to perform to the standards required in the job description; or worse yet, pass time at a job s/he doesn’t fit into and is then ensconced in a dead-end job for him/her for who knows how long.

There, that said, let’s keep in mind that being yourself is the very most important concept you should remember to win the job. “BE YOURSELF” is the single most feature to practice.

Here’s the rub. As you approach your interview, the notion of “BEING YOURSELF” takes courage. To stand by your principles. But ironically, if you have courage, you are a principled person and the following suggestions will be easier than not. When a principled candidate, lathered in honesty, and bequeathed with passion for doing a good job steps into the crucible of the interview s/he will be less likely hindered by bone-chilling anxiety or panic-stricken fear of what might be thrown at them. Principled people are likely to be self-confident and poised. The next most important 2 concepts of winning a job.

SELF-CONFIDENCE – comes from being prepared. If the job you are seeking and being interviewed for is high on your list, for gawd sakes know the company and know who is interviewing you. Research, research, research.  (Ticker Symbol, Annual Revenues, Product Mix, Target Market) When faced with those seemingly difficult questions that there is no right answer for hits you between the eyes, you will be much more capable of crafting an answer that makes sense if you are prepared with knowledge. Being prepared breeds SELF-CONFIDENCE. Self confidence breeds poise.

POISE – is how easily someone performs under fire. Poise is being gracious. Often referred to as “GRACE UNDER PRESSURE,”  poise is viewing situations positively. Poise is knowing how to present yourself: eloquent speech patterns, body in control,  inspiring those around you. Poise is leadership. Poise attracts admiration. Poise overcomes words. Did you know that of all the communication performed during an interview by a candidate, the most important is how they say things, NOT what they necessarily say. The tone, the inflections, the self-confidence and yes it’s the poise of the delivery.

So after speaking of the embedded skills in “Being Yourself”: self-confidence and poise, the bedrock characteristics that can’t be contrived nor relinquished, the list of do’s and don’t are secondary.  Important yes, such as: building rapport, listening, observing, what to bring, appropriate dress code, arriving 10 minutes early, speaking 50% of the time, having a list of prepared questions and being ready for the standard questions.

In closing, let me say, interviewing is the place to shine, at the desk of your prospective employer. Practice what counts. Sage advice exists from thousands of blogs, books, friends and consultants. Trying to prepare for an interview by looking and listening through all the tips and suggestions coming at you can be trying and elevate your stress level.  And avoiding stress before the interview is essential.

Rather than getting tied into a knot with self-inspection overload and interview question memorization, I would spend the time researching the company, the person interviewing you as much as possible, drafting the appropriate questions based on your research. I would prepare for the given questions, sure to surface:

Tell me about yourself?

Why do you want this job?

Why are you right for this job?

And then with the time left I would have a chat with myself.  Something like this:

“I deserve to be in this interview. I’ve earned the right to be there. I am good at what I do. I may not have all the schooling or credentials they are looking for, but what I’ve learned in my years of experience, they can’t teach in school.”

(The little blurb about not having all the schooling and credentials is simply because seldom does a candidates sit in front of the hiring manager and possess ALL the stuff they are looking for.)

In other words, convince yourself you are the absolute best choice for the job first.  If you do that effectively, you will most likely convince them of the same.

Good hunting.

“It takes courage to be the author of your life.”

I wish I could take credit for that quote. It’s the opening line under a short heading “Courage” in the chapter “Living A Life You Love,” from the book – “Pathfinder” by Nicholas Lore. “Pathfinder” is a wonderful read focused on finding a successful career. The passage continues:

“When you are struggling through one of the difficult parts of turning your dreams into reality, you may wonder why you always get stuck with having to put up with so much fear and uncertainty. Why, you wonder, couldn’t I feel more courageous, like those other people do.

You don’t feel courageous because courage is not an emotion. There is no such thing as feeling “courageous.” It is an imaginary emotion.

Courage consists of doing what you said you would do even when you don’t want to.

In the face of danger you have a choice to be the delegate of either your commitments or your feelings. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.”

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

-Ambrose Red Moon

This short concept rests on page 61 of “Pathfinder,” by Nicholas Lore. Just 1 page, 1 out of 374 pages, pretty much embodies the spirit of so many people who have overcome the stumbling blocks of phone fear, and found their stride in effectively achieving worthwhile goals.